Bài mẫu IELTS WRITING tháng 10/2024

Essay (Score 6.0-6.5)

Choosing a career is one of the most important decisions in a person’s life, especially for young people who are just starting out. Some argue that young people should have the freedom to pursue any job that interests them, while others believe they should consider practical factors, such as job security and long-term success. Both perspectives have merit, and in this essay, I will discuss both views and provide my own opinion.

On the one hand, allowing young people the freedom to choose their career path based on their passions can lead to greater personal satisfaction. When individuals are passionate about what they do, they tend to be more motivated and dedicated. For example, a young person who loves art might decide to pursue a career as a graphic designer, which could bring them happiness and fulfillment in the long run. If people are forced into careers they do not enjoy, they may feel frustrated and unmotivated, which can negatively affect their performance and overall well-being.

On the other hand, some people believe that young individuals should be more realistic when choosing their career. This means considering factors like job stability, income potential, and demand in the job market. For instance, while becoming a musician might seem exciting, it may not provide a stable income or job security compared to more practical jobs like engineering or nursing. In addition, some jobs may have limited opportunities, and it is important for young people to think about how their career choice will impact their financial stability and future prospects.

In my opinion, young people should strike a balance between following their passion and being realistic about their future. While it is important to do what you love, practical considerations like financial security and career growth should also be taken into account. For example, someone who loves music could pursue a career in music production, which offers both creative satisfaction and a more stable income compared to being a performer. Ultimately, finding a job that combines both passion and practicality is the best way to ensure long-term success and happiness.

In conclusion, while allowing young people the freedom to choose their career is important for personal satisfaction, they should also be realistic and consider how their choices will affect their future. A balanced approach that takes into account both passion and practicality is key to making the best career decision.

Score Breakdown:

  • Task Achievement (6.5): The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear opinion. However, the points made could be developed further with more examples or explanations.
  • Coherence and Cohesion (6.0): The essay is generally well-organized, but some transitions between ideas could be improved to make the argument flow more smoothly.
  • Lexical Resource (6.5): The vocabulary is adequate, with some variation in word choice, but there is room for more sophisticated language. Words like “satisfaction,” “realistic,” and “career path” are used effectively, but more complex phrases could be added.
  • Grammatical Range and Accuracy (6.0): The grammar is generally accurate, with a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, there are a few minor errors in sentence construction, and more complex structures could be used more frequently.

This essay would likely score between 6.0 and 6.5, depending on the examiner’s assessment of lexical resource and grammatical accuracy.

Essay (Score 7.0-7.5)

Choosing a career is a crucial decision for young people, as it often shapes their future and personal fulfillment. While some argue that young individuals should be free to pursue any profession they are passionate about, others believe that practical considerations, such as job security and financial stability, should be prioritized. Both perspectives have merit, and in this essay, I will discuss both views and offer my own opinion.

On the one hand, allowing young people to follow their passions when selecting a job can lead to greater job satisfaction and motivation. When individuals are passionate about their work, they tend to be more engaged and committed, which can lead to long-term success and happiness. For instance, a young person with a strong interest in the arts may thrive as a painter, designer, or writer, even if these fields are not traditionally seen as financially lucrative. By pursuing a career they genuinely enjoy, individuals are more likely to invest time and energy into their work, resulting in personal fulfillment and, in some cases, professional achievement.

On the other hand, some people argue that young individuals should be more realistic and consider the practical aspects of their career choices. The job market is highly competitive, and certain fields offer more opportunities and financial security than others. For example, careers in technology, healthcare, and engineering often provide stable employment and higher salaries, which are essential for building a secure future. While following one’s passion is important, it is also crucial to assess the demand for certain skills in the job market and the potential for career advancement. Many young people, despite their interests, may need to prioritize jobs that offer long-term financial stability, especially in economically challenging times.

In my view, the best approach is a balance between passion and practicality. While it is important for young people to pursue careers that align with their interests, they should also consider the long-term implications of their choices. For instance, a student passionate about music could choose to study music production or sound engineering, which offers both creative fulfillment and better career prospects than becoming a performer. By combining personal passion with practical considerations, young individuals can find careers that not only provide joy but also ensure financial stability and professional growth.

In conclusion, while the freedom to choose a career based on passion is essential for personal fulfillment, it is equally important to consider practical factors such as job security and financial stability. A balanced approach that allows young people to follow their interests while being mindful of their future prospects is the best way to ensure both happiness and success.

Score Breakdown:

  • Task Achievement (7.5): The essay fully addresses the task by discussing both views and providing a well-supported opinion. The response is clear and covers both sides in a balanced manner.
  • Coherence and Cohesion (7.5): The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphing, and the progression of ideas is logical. Transitions between paragraphs and points are smooth, allowing the argument to flow effectively.
  • Lexical Resource (7.0-7.5): The vocabulary is varied and used accurately, with expressions like “job satisfaction,” “financial stability,” “professional growth,” and “personal fulfillment” adding sophistication. There is good control over word choice, though further lexical complexity could elevate the score slightly.
  • Grammatical Range and Accuracy (7.5): The essay uses a range of grammatical structures, including conditionals, relative clauses, and complex sentences, with few errors. The grammar is accurate and supports the clarity and fluency of the argument.

This essay would likely score between 7.0 and 7.5, depending on the examiner’s assessment of lexical precision and grammatical complexity.

Essay (Score 8.0-8.5)

The decision about which career path to pursue is a pivotal one for young people, as it has far-reaching implications for both personal fulfillment and future financial stability. While some argue that individuals should be free to follow their passions when choosing a job, others contend that they must consider practical factors such as job security and long-term prospects. Both viewpoints are valid, and in this essay, I will examine both perspectives and present my own opinion.

On the one hand, allowing young people the freedom to choose a job based on their passions can lead to greater motivation, creativity, and personal satisfaction. When individuals are engaged in work that aligns with their interests, they are more likely to excel and find joy in their daily tasks. This intrinsic motivation often translates into higher levels of commitment and productivity. For instance, a young person passionate about environmental conservation might choose a career as a marine biologist or environmental activist, even though these fields may not offer the highest financial rewards. Pursuing such a passion-driven career can foster a sense of purpose, which, in turn, can contribute to both professional success and personal happiness.

On the other hand, it is equally important for young people to adopt a realistic approach when making career choices. The modern job market is highly competitive, and certain industries offer more stability and financial security than others. A career that aligns with market demand, such as technology, healthcare, or engineering, can provide a steady income and more reliable opportunities for advancement. For example, while someone may have a strong interest in the arts, pursuing a degree in graphic design or digital media, which have broader applications, may provide a safer and more secure career path. Practicality, in this case, involves aligning one’s interests with the realities of the job market to ensure a sustainable future.

In my view, a balanced approach that combines passion with pragmatism is the most effective way for young people to make career decisions. While it is essential to pursue work that brings joy and fulfillment, it is also important to recognize the need for financial stability and professional growth. A young person with a love for music, for instance, could consider a career in music production or sound engineering, which offers creative satisfaction along with greater job prospects than becoming a performer. This approach allows individuals to pursue their interests while ensuring that they are equipped to meet the financial and professional challenges of the future.

In conclusion, while the freedom to choose a job based on passion is important for personal fulfillment, young people must also take a realistic approach by considering factors such as job security and long-term viability. A well-rounded strategy that integrates both passion and practicality is the best way to achieve career success and personal satisfaction.

Score Breakdown:

  • Task Achievement (8.5): The essay addresses all parts of the prompt, providing a clear discussion of both views and a well-supported personal opinion. The response is highly relevant and fully developed.
  • Coherence and Cohesion (8.5): The essay is very well-organized, with clear topic sentences and smooth transitions between paragraphs. The progression of ideas is logical, and the argument is easy to follow.
  • Lexical Resource (8.0-8.5): The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary with precision. Phrases like “intrinsic motivation,” “professional success,” “financial stability,” and “aligning interests with market demand” demonstrate strong lexical control. There is some sophisticated language, although there may be room for slightly more ambitious expressions to reach a full 9.0.
  • Grammatical Range and Accuracy (8.5): The grammar is varied and accurate throughout, with a mix of simple and complex structures. The use of conditionals, relative clauses, and passive voice is appropriate and enhances the clarity and sophistication of the argument. Minor grammatical slips, if any, do not detract from the overall quality.

This essay would likely score between 8.0 and 8.5, depending on the examiner’s assessment of lexical sophistication and grammatical accuracy.

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