Bài mẫu IELTS WRITING tháng 10/2024

Essay (Score 6.0-6.5)

International aid organizations often receive support from celebrities who use their fame to bring attention to important global issues. While some people believe this is an effective way to raise awareness, others argue that involving celebrities can sometimes make these problems seem less important. In this essay, I will discuss both views and offer my opinion.

On the one hand, celebrity support for international aid organizations can significantly raise awareness of important issues. Famous people often have large followings on social media and in the press, which allows them to reach millions of people with their messages. For example, when a popular singer or actor talks about a humanitarian crisis, it can encourage their fans to learn more about the problem and donate to the cause. In many cases, without celebrity involvement, these issues might not receive as much attention from the public. Additionally, celebrities can use their influence to raise funds and generate media coverage that benefits the organization.

On the other hand, some people feel that celebrities can make serious issues appear less significant. Critics argue that when famous people get involved, the focus can shift away from the actual problem to the celebrity themselves. For instance, the media might concentrate more on the celebrity’s appearance or personal life rather than on the global issue they are trying to promote. As a result, the problem might not be taken as seriously by the public. Furthermore, some people may question the motives of celebrities who support these causes, thinking they are doing it only for publicity rather than genuine concern.

In my opinion, while celebrity involvement may sometimes distract from the problem, their overall impact is positive. Celebrities have the power to reach wide audiences and raise awareness that might not otherwise be possible. As long as their support is genuine and the message remains focused on the issue, their involvement can benefit international aid organizations. Even if the media occasionally shifts focus to the celebrity, the increased attention and funding for the cause outweigh the potential downsides.

In conclusion, while there are valid concerns about the role of celebrities in promoting international aid, I believe that their involvement is generally helpful in drawing attention to important global issues. With the right approach, celebrities can make a meaningful contribution to raising awareness and support for these causes.

Score Breakdown:

  • Task Achievement (6.0-6.5): The essay addresses both sides of the issue and provides a clear opinion. However, the discussion could be further developed with more specific examples or deeper analysis.
  • Coherence and Cohesion (6.0): The structure is clear and logical, with appropriate paragraphing, but transitions between ideas could be smoother to improve flow.
  • Lexical Resource (6.5): The vocabulary is adequate, with some variation in word choice, but more sophisticated vocabulary could be used. Phrases like “raise awareness,” “generate media coverage,” and “shift focus” are appropriate but could be further expanded.
  • Grammatical Range and Accuracy (6.0): The grammar is generally accurate, with a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, there are occasional errors in sentence structure, and more complex grammatical forms could be used more consistently.

This essay would likely score between 6.0 and 6.5, depending on the examiner’s assessment of lexical resource and grammatical range.

Essay (Score 7.0-7.5)

In recent years, many celebrities have become vocal supporters of international aid organizations, using their fame to bring attention to global issues. While some believe that celebrities help raise awareness of important problems, others argue that their involvement can trivialize serious issues. In this essay, I will discuss both perspectives and give my own opinion.

On the one hand, the support of famous people can greatly benefit international aid organizations by drawing public attention to issues that might otherwise go unnoticed. Celebrities have a massive influence on their followers through social media, television appearances, and public events. When a well-known actor, singer, or athlete endorses a cause, they can reach millions of people and generate widespread awareness. For instance, the involvement of celebrities in campaigns to combat climate change or provide relief for natural disasters has led to significant increases in donations and public engagement. Their ability to use their platform for good often results in media coverage that highlights the issue and encourages people to take action, whether through donations or volunteering.

On the other hand, there is concern that celebrity involvement can sometimes overshadow the issue they are promoting. The focus may shift from the problem itself to the celebrity’s personal life or appearance, which can diminish the seriousness of the cause. Media outlets often prioritize the presence of a famous individual over the actual message they are trying to convey. Additionally, some people question the authenticity of celebrities’ motives, suggesting that their involvement is more about enhancing their public image than genuine concern for the cause. This could lead the public to view the issue as a passing trend rather than a serious problem requiring sustained attention and effort.

In my opinion, while there are valid concerns about the superficiality of celebrity involvement, their overall impact on international aid organizations is largely positive. Celebrities have the unique ability to reach a global audience and can bring much-needed attention to causes that may otherwise be overlooked. Even if the media sometimes focuses too much on the celebrity, the end result is still increased visibility for the cause. Furthermore, many celebrities have shown long-term commitment to certain issues, proving that their involvement is not always about self-promotion. For example, figures like Angelina Jolie and Leonardo DiCaprio have consistently advocated for human rights and environmental causes, demonstrating genuine dedication.

In conclusion, although there are potential downsides to celebrity involvement in international aid efforts, I believe that their influence generally helps draw attention to important global problems. As long as their support is sincere and the focus remains on the issue, celebrities can play a valuable role in raising awareness and mobilizing public support.

Score Breakdown:

  • Task Achievement (7.5): The essay fully addresses the prompt, discussing both views and providing a clear opinion. The argument is well-developed, with relevant examples and a balanced approach to both sides.
  • Coherence and Cohesion (7.5): The essay is well-organized and easy to follow. Paragraphs are logically structured, and transitions between ideas are smooth and natural, contributing to the overall flow of the argument.
  • Lexical Resource (7.0): The vocabulary is varied and appropriate, with phrases like “public engagement,” “overshadow the issue,” and “long-term commitment” showing a good range of expressions. However, there could be more sophisticated or idiomatic language to achieve a higher score.
  • Grammatical Range and Accuracy (7.5): The essay uses a range of complex sentence structures effectively and accurately. There are very few grammatical errors, and the use of conditionals, relative clauses, and passive voice is well-controlled.

Essay (Score 8.0-8.5)

The involvement of celebrities in promoting international aid organizations has sparked a debate about whether their influence truly benefits the causes they support. While some argue that famous individuals can bring much-needed attention to important global issues, others believe that their involvement can trivialize these problems. In this essay, I will examine both perspectives and provide my own view on the matter.

On the one hand, the support of celebrities can be highly beneficial for international aid organizations, as they have the ability to reach vast audiences and generate significant public interest. Celebrities possess a level of visibility that most organizations lack, and their endorsement of a cause can lead to increased media coverage and public awareness. For instance, when well-known figures like Angelina Jolie advocate for refugee rights or Leonardo DiCaprio speaks about climate change, the public and media tend to pay more attention to these issues. This increased visibility often translates into more donations and greater political pressure on governments to address these global challenges. In essence, celebrities act as powerful amplifiers for causes that may otherwise struggle to gain attention.

However, there is concern that celebrity involvement can sometimes shift the focus away from the actual issues at hand. Critics argue that the media often highlights the celebrity rather than the cause, reducing the perceived seriousness of the problem. For example, when a famous actor attends a charity event, headlines may focus more on what they wore or who they arrived with, rather than the critical issue being addressed. This tendency to sensationalize celebrity appearances can detract from the gravity of the situation, leading some people to view the cause as less important or merely a passing trend. Additionally, there is skepticism about the motives of some celebrities, as their involvement is occasionally seen as a way to enhance their public image rather than a genuine commitment to the cause.

In my opinion, while there are valid concerns about the potential downsides of celebrity involvement, their overall impact on raising awareness for international aid organizations is positive. Celebrities have the unique ability to engage large segments of the population who might not otherwise be interested in these issues. Even if the media occasionally focuses too much on the celebrity, the fact remains that important causes gain attention that they might not receive otherwise. Furthermore, many celebrities demonstrate long-term dedication to the issues they support, showing that their involvement is not merely superficial. For instance, figures like Bono and Emma Watson have been actively involved in humanitarian and gender equality campaigns for years, proving that celebrity support can be both genuine and effective.

In conclusion, while the involvement of celebrities in international aid organizations can sometimes lead to a loss of focus on the core issues, I believe that their overall contribution is valuable. Their ability to raise awareness, increase funding, and apply political pressure makes their support an asset to many global causes. As long as the focus remains on the issue rather than the celebrity, their involvement can help drive meaningful change.

Score Breakdown:

  • Task Achievement (8.5): The essay fully addresses both views of the issue and provides a well-supported personal opinion. The argument is clear, comprehensive, and balanced, with relevant examples that enhance the discussion.
  • Coherence and Cohesion (8.5): The essay is well-structured and flows logically. Paragraphs are well-developed, and transitions between ideas are smooth, making the argument easy to follow. There is a clear progression from one point to the next, contributing to overall cohesion.
  • Lexical Resource (8.0): The vocabulary is varied and precise, with expressions such as “generate significant public interest,” “shift the focus away,” and “genuine commitment” demonstrating a good range of lexical sophistication. Although the language is strong, there is room for more idiomatic or advanced expressions to push the score higher.
  • Grammatical Range and Accuracy (8.5): The essay employs a wide range of complex grammatical structures with accuracy. The use of relative clauses, conditionals, and passive voice is well-controlled, and there are no noticeable grammatical errors. The grammar enhances the clarity and effectiveness of the argument.

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